Since the incident in January this year, I do not feel comfortable anymore in the office. Every time I'm alone in my room on the 3rd floor, I became the 'fear' itself ... Indeed there are cameras that monitor every corner of the room in the office where I work. But ... if people are desperate, a camera was not a good antidote to stop the evil person.
Actually this is not a pleasant thing to tell. But I have to remove all the 'junk' from my heart and my mind so that I could no longer keep it end up just makes me 'sick' only.
The incident began when (let's call Mr. X) who asked me to fix the display on his computer. And also look for tax data stored on his computer. And because I do not think negatively about him, of course I want to help him.
But ... is beyond my expectations, he who had been turned out I respect the courage to do in my insolent. Initially he held my hand. I already refuse to be smooth. But then again I do not think if he had malicious intent to me. Until finally when he said "I do not know every I closed to you, it make my heart more palpitate? Though I've aged 73 years? And I think I want to kiss you ... " be honest I was surprised to hear his word. But once again I do not think if he was wicked mean to me. Until finally he kissed my cheek beyond my expectations. I was shocked but could not do anything about it. What can I do is get out of his room.
I was very restless night. My little heart was saying that the incident was not a natural thing. If he loved me as a child / grandchild, surely he would not say if his heart palpitate enough every time he was close to me. In fact, he also said that he often thought of me.
My God ... I just like the wake from sleep, I beg forgiveness and hope the incident does not continue anymore. And the effect is ... I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable every time I had to deal with him. The dilemma is ... because he is the father of my boss. Every time I want to talk to my boss, I'm afraid my boss was angry and hurt that his father had a bad attitude. Or if he believed in me, I'm afraid he'll be no respect for his father.
I always avoid dealing with him. About my job that has to do with him, I slowly switch to someone else with my boss ask permission first. And I'm grateful to my boss he granted my request.
I cannot avoid is that every time he asks, I always answer him with not polite answer. Even some of my friends who pay attention, they asked what was wrong between me and the old man's flirtatious?
Every time I answer no nothing, they do not believe. Because they really know if I act like there must be some very strong reasons and cannot be tolerated anymore.
Oh God ... I know I have guilt because it is considered rude to older people. But God ... if I'm wrong when I tried to protect myself from his evil deeds?
Each time I remembered it ... I always yell at God for He immediately took me out of there.
God ... I want you to immediately get me out of the office and took me away from those people. I believe you must give my successor in office. Someone who can be trusted and relied upon by the boss.
And I also want to believe ... something so much better had you provided out there for my future life.
God ... I believe You really know how disgusted I was with the incident. How I became very disappointed because of the harassment. That Incident, to be one strong reason for me to appeal to thy a life partner who is able to protect me from things like that.
I've been unable to count anymore how many people and how many times they think and ask me if I was 'normal girl who likes boys' or whether I am a lesbian who likes fellow women as well?
For all of these questions... I believe that You are hear and could feel what I feel. Sick ... sore ... and I was only able to answer 'not yet God's time for me to have a partner'. Every time they ask ... just that my answers.
Because ... until now even I have not found someone who managed to 'entry' into my heart.
But God ... when now there is someone who managed to get into my heart, why as if You do not agree? You keep me from him? Does he not deserve to me or I are not feasible for him?
God ... when I use my right to desire, so I submitted my one request to You. Presumably you are willing to open up my way with him. But ... above all it is my desire, my greatest desire remains the same ... Want to please You with my life. Which means ... in the end thy will alone is so over my life. Amen!
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